How do I always know that I am feeling anxious and mentally stressed? Well one big sign…. vivid bad dreams and dreams at being at my Nannan Ruth’s old house. I know basically why it’s happening this time…because I am leaving my babies at home with Nannan for a week. Daft thing is Owen wont be too bothered…he has his tablet to play on. Plus Ruth will get used to fact Nannan is here and loves her. SO why is my head getting so full of these thoughts of “it is almost time to leave them for 7 nights!”.
Seriously had a disturbing dream the other night. I was in a huge bar with friends and we had been on the upper part of it earlier in the evening. We were just leaving and I had forgotten something from table we were at. Earlier in day there were some proper dodgy blokes at a nearby table. Anyway I walk up to bar. And this is how mad my memory is I walk past some tables one of which I recall them being some Irish people at them. Go up the small set of steps to the table and I am just sat down getting this box I had left. I was in fancy dress for some reason too!! As I am sat there the 3 dodgy looking blokes whistle a tune, and all of a sudden people appear in the balcony above the table area/dance floor, and a few who were planted on the seating area. Anyway hear load of clicks and clacks of guns etc and they set up on whoever is in the room. I got hit but more of a near miss graze and fall to the floor and basically play dead till its been silent for a while and the gunmen and women have gone, wanting to phone my dad as he knew I was there. At this point I woke up, with my heart beating fairly fast you could say. Couldn’t settle back after that!
I do get pretty memorable dreams of the crazy and maybe slightly nasty type and I could reel them off to you just like that!
Then I get the ones at my Nannan Ruth’s old house. These seem to be the soothing ones. I had two after my miscarriage. One where I was with my Nan and I was prepping a bottle, but not for Owen. Anyway last night, I am back there with my family, and nothing wow or anything but we were just staying there for a few days and doing normal everyday things. Her old telly was there, he old covered rocking chair. Basically everything was as I remember in the good old days of my childhood. And I woke up feeling so settled. Its just so mad how in my dreams when anxious or upset she is still in my head and there for me. She did mean so much to me, hence the naming of my girly as another Ruth!!
Well that was a weird insight into my strange subconscious mind. Mind you I do find that my mind has always woke up and decided to be active every time its end of the night and my body has had enough.
I best be off to sort some house work stuff out and have my coffee. Have a great day, even if it is dull and nasty outside!