Tantrums at 14 months????

Morning everyone. Well don’t we know December is almost upon us, everything is becoming Christmas. At least its a good thing on the Avon side of it all.

I’m definitely not liking mornings this past week, and school runs. Really find it difficult to get up, but with no choice, I am becoming a proper grotty headed woman. Early dark nights mean getting comfy and PJ’s on early time. Not just for the kids either. Not slept properly either for least 2 weeks. More like it takes ages to settle off, then it is broken sleep. As always we all try to follow the good advice, of sleep when little one sleeps in day but don’t even find that easy. Thank goodness for the new coffee machine though, I suppose it gives me a good blast of caffeine to get through first hour or so of the morning. Suffice to say, I am fast becoming a grumpy cow, which isn’t helped by a certain little girls tantrums. Oh yes, they have begun, she cant half stomp and scream (and slap herself in head!). This child definitely thinks she can get away with this behaviour, but is quickly learning. Learning that I wont put up with it. She is the one who will get the bigger headache in the long term if she insists on smacking her head in a rage. How long till she finally gets message that her stropping gets no attention from mum and dad? Just hope my sanity holds out in the meantime!!

I finally have all the candle making kit together 🙂 so me and my friend Carmel have some candles to make, after working out making sure the men watch the kids! To be honest, the change in season and lack of socialising really getting to me plus the sleep problems. Keep feeling down and fed up. Trying to save money and be careful, so going out all time isn’t the way forward unless we get a good idea or do something really cheap. Nothing is really free most of the time, even travel takes a chunk of cash these days. I suppose I have my hoard of crafting bits, but I need to seriously look at my own way of finding me time to do these things. But you know what its like when you feel down and out, motivation hits the floor rapidly, and all you do is hit the coffee and sweet stuff, then feel depressed and fat after eating the sweet stuff. What a vicious circle. What I really need to do is have a girly few hours at pub. I know my friend rarely gets out to have kid free few hours and a few drinks, and she has kids with a few problems, so I guess she could really do with that sort of time. Not like we want to go out and get drunk. Hangovers and kids do not mix, so I’m not going there. I know it will only get worse if I do not get out there and be more social, but feel like some days I am forcing myself out of house and it shouldn’t be that way! Bring back summer, sleep and you will have a happy woman. Ps yes I have suffered postnatal depression before and know the tell tale signs that show I need to sort myself. So I am not afraid to say when I am getting on a downer. I have never been super out there or a socialite. I was 14 or just over when I was started feeling ok to go in small shop on my own, without feeling overly shy and out of comfort zone. As years went on, and school finished confidence grew and yes I began travelling on my own (not far ie still in UK) and enjoyed it. Then at 21 made life’s first big mistake in shape of first hubby. The Divorce and bankruptcy that followed certainly made me more independent and grown up. over 10 years on and yes I am most certainly in a better place, but now its the case of kiddies, lack of money, etc that keeps me away from the world or so it feels in my mind. The usual day in day out stuff, is just mechanic the last few week it seems. Something needs to change. For instance, last 2 driving lessons haven’t been as good as they should be because I cannot get into right frame of mind, and with most things by the afternoon, if its not routine I just “CBA – can’t be arsed” in a sense! I don’t want to feel like this. And I don’t want to end up at docs being told “here’s some tablets, your just a little depressed!”, I avoided the PND initially with Ruth by keeping busy with Avon etc, and not doing the things that made me bad after having Owen. Just need to find a solution I guess!!

The mad thing is I have so many projects and ideas to work on craft wise… its like I haven’t lost my mojo totally, its just got muddled up in the organised mess of a head I have. I have 3 part way done online courses, and admin business plans, and brain is now in winter mode so on go slow! How do I trick it into summer mode?? The only thing I have organised as such is the Avon, and that’s only because done it solid for a year now (more even), and the recruiting is the only thing that I need to work on. The new team members are slowly coming in mind you. Got a new person signing up on Thursday. All have been by word of mouth so far. I feel that if I advertise more and do some door to door prospecting maybe I could do better and increase my team. Common sense really I know, but as I have said life isn’t such a party mentally at the moment.

Oh one thing has made me giggle at end of day past few days though. I’m a celebrity Get me out of here! has returned, and some of the people, definitely one, needs to think why she signed up. Its a jungle not a 5* hotel, and it’s series 14, so she cant say she doesn’t know what it’s supposed to be like. Come on woman, it’s not semi-scripted like TOWIE!! Real life challenges time, princess and stropping time needs to stop, or quit like you have threatened to almost every hour we have seen so far! On a funny note, the public will so make her suffer in there now. Her fault too….. oops!

Right I am off to try and look human even if I don’t feel it. Then off to shops and use Simon’s vouchers, while he finishes his shift, then be home by 3 to pick laddo up from school. And yup it’s only because we need stuff, yet again a case of drag myself out!!! Another coffee may help first!

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