So it seems 2016 its on its way out! In a way I am glad AND sad, and looking forward to next year in most ways (bar a few which you can imagine will not got better as time goes on).
So lets get the downside out of the way….. It’s reality that Mum will not miraculously recover, and I am finding that hard as I see her have to endure and try to get pain under control, just to stop the cancer from running free at this early stage. She is practically a staggering advertisement for mobility aids and not even 60 yet. Saw her the other day after a month due to illnesses where she obviously had to keep away from our germs. It struck me so hard after I had put kids to bed. How much pain she was in etc, you could see it in her face. The thought of what is long distance reality (we hope), jumped to the forefront of my mind…… “this is just the beginning! One day we will be holding her hand whilst she is in a drugged up to kill the even worse pain she will be in, not even knowing we are there most of the time, and will have to see my poor mother die in a horrible way!”. It’s basically my most dreaded thought at the moment, knowing its case not of if, but when.
To be honest it is heartbreaking to see the wonderful woman who has brought me and my siblings up so well, to be going down this horrible undeserved route in life! There is no anger anymore, life has dealt us what it has, and what can we do in this case but accept it. Obviously enjoy all the moments of happiness we can too until the hopefully far away timed ending. We have minimal choices on this path now, basically control and cage it in, which means pain just to keep her going longer and fight it back.
Tomorrow she has a calcium infusion, to strengthen the bone. Which will in turn help fight the cancer better. They have warned of the pain it will cause already. Then another trip to the hospice in the afternoon as they are trying to help her control the pain levels (which is a struggle in itself currently). Next week (at last)…. a follow up CT scan from the first radiotherapy treatment she had a few months back. Lets say since Macmillan got involved they have already helped her greatly to get the Consultants etc’s bums into gear and stop messing her about. All we can do is keep going, and support her emotionally at the moment, whilst wishing we could take it all away from her.
It was also bad enough when I saw the folks the other day due to the fact I see all these people at least 15 yrs or more older than them milling about fine, yet we have Mum with her “baby walker” as she calls it, and my dad in his mobility scooter due to various problems when it comes to walking certain distances. It really does hit you where it hurts seeing both parents basically on the slippery slope so to speak. This getting old malarchy is not what it is cracked up to be fun wise!
So yes that is my gripe for the future. 2017 will be good in many ways but these issues will always be at the forefront keeping us in the grim reality of life!
On the good side, with my simplified business plans and ideas, I have an easier platter to deal with, and I aim to stick at the 4 main things which I know are worth pursuing. So there is planning to be done.
Craft Club has wound up till we resume normal service on 4th January, then on 16th the kids get the fortnightly sessions starting up (which means some theme planning). The past year has been amazing working in the community and I feel truly blessed by all the support and new friends I have made. Just by simply making a small difference in the community. Some of the ladies may be older but wow they have lived, and have some right stories to tell. So I can’t wait for 2017 when it comes to growing Craft Club even more.
The last order of the year has gone in for Avon and Darceys Candles, nice small ones so not going to be over stressed next week. Huge thanks have gone out to my customers who have supported those businesses. I can’t wait to go dress shopping for the Presidents Club Party which is in February. Hmm all those lovely January sales to take advantage of.
And obviously S20 Admin, well how glad am I that I have finally set that in motion. I will be really pushing that one in 2017.
So yes I am grateful for a lot this year, and feel positive on a majority of things. I’m not asking for the world, just a healthy family (as much as it can be), and a good life/work balance from what I do. We have had our near misses for instance with Si’s job at risk at one point, and as ever we will muddle through and get out the other side, but this is what makes us stronger and more determined.
But now I must bid you goodnight and thank you for listening/reading, for tomorrow is but another day of housework and school runs (till they finish on Friday) and work!!!!